Secret Santa
by mercurymari83
Summary: The FF8 gang decide to do a Secret Santa. A silly story--thought I'd try something new. Please R/R!
1. Intro

*Final Fantasy belongs to Squaresoft, not me, so please don't sue! I don't have any money anyway…*  
  
It was December 20 at Balamb Garden, and the gang was sitting there, bored. Irvine was cleaning his gun; Zell was scarfing his 10th hot dog; Rinoa and Quistis were playing cards; Squall was studying an issue of Weapons Monthly, and Seifer was lurking in the corner.  
  
SEIFER: *stroking a stuffed chocobo* You and me, Choco. We'll rule the world!!! *Laughs maniacally*  
  
RINOA: Seifer, what are you doing over there? Come over here and join us!  
  
SEIFER: *quickly turns around, blushing, and hides hand behind back.* Um, I was just…fixing my hair!  
  
ZELL: Cut the crap, Seifer, I saw what you were doing! *Starts laughing* You were… *Seifer punches him* OWWWW! Seifer, you can't stop me! You were talking to a stuffed chocobo!  
  
SEIFER: *blushes* No I wasn't!!  
  
ZELL: Yes you were! I saw you!  
  
RINOA AND QUISTIS: *point their fingers at him* Awwww…  
  
{Selphie runs in}  
  
SELPHIE: Hey guys, what are you doing here? Why aren't you decorating? Holiday season is here! And I've got a great idea!  
  
{Everyone groans}  
  
SELPHIE: Come on guys, it's… SECRET SANTA! Irvine, give me your hat, so we can choose names!  
  
{Irvine gives her his hat.}  
  
SEIFER: I don't DO gift giving. See ya…  
  
ZELL: Come on, Seifer, it'll be fun. If you don't, I'll tell everyone in Garden what your secret little hobby is…  
  
SEIFER: *glares at Zell* Fine…  
  
SELPHIE: Okay, there's a slip of paper for every person here in Irvine's hat. Everyone takes a name, and whoever you get, you have to give him or her a present! This is going to be so good! Oh, and by the way, you're not supposed to tell anyone who you have. Let's begin!  
  
{Everyone takes a name}  
  
SQUALL, IRVINE, SELPHIE: *smile*  
  
SEIFER, QUISTIS: 0_o Aw, crap…  
  
SELPHIE: Woo hoo! OK, we'll exchange gifts in 3 days! See you guys then!  
  
~*Three days later~*  
  
*The gang assembles in the quad. Everyone is holding a box; even Seifer, except for the fact that it was dented in one side. *  
  
SELPHIE: I'm so glad to see that everyone participated. *Jumps up and down* YAYYYYY…  
  
SEIFER: Will ya stop already?!  
  
SELPHIE: Okay…who wants to go first?  
  
*Everyone looks at Seifer. *  
  
SEFIER: Fine… Here ya go, Chicken wuss! Enjoy! *Tosses box to Zell*  
  
ZELL: *Opens box* Hey, thanks, Seifer! It's a hotdog! *Takes bite, swallows. * Hey, that was good. *Stomach grumbles. * Uh Oh… I ain't feelin' so hot guys…  
  
QUISTIS: What's wrong, Zell?  
  
ZELL: Oh man, Seifer, what did you put in that hotdog?! I gotta take a major dump guys! *Runs away, holding his butt cheeks. *  
  
ALL: 0_o  
  
SELPHIE: Um, Seifer, that really wasn't the idea of this whole thing… But let's move on!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Here's the deal, guys! 5 reviews, and I'll finish the story! Come on, let's see those reviews!  
  
~mercurymari83~ 


	2. Gift XChange

*Final Fantasy, Tic Tacs and Listerine don't belong to me! So enjoy the story! And thanks for all the reviews!*  
  
SELPHIE: Let's move on. Irvine, your turn.  
  
IRVINE: Man, I've been waiting for this. Here ya go, Quisty! *Hands her a really small box.  
  
QUISTIS: Thank you, Irvine. I'm sure it's lovely. *Opens gift.* Hey, there's a note here: 'Call me anytime. 1-800-IM-YOUR-LOVER' Get over yourself, Irvine!! *Runs over and gives him an atomic wedgie.* Jerk.  
  
IRVINE: Help! I can't see!  
  
RINOA: Eww, Irvine. Tighty-whities? And what's that brown stain?  
  
IRVINE: *^.^* Well…um… Let's move on! Who's next? *Underwear snaps as he gets it off his head.* Ahhh… Much better.  
  
SELPHIE: Well, this is Zell's present. It's for you, Irvine. *Hands Irvine the present.*  
  
IRVINE: Cool! There's a little note here. It says, "Do us all a favor, man. –Zell." Gee, I wonder what it could be? *Opens gift.* It's a pack of Tic Tacs! Hey, wait a minute… *Puts hand to his mouth, smells breath.* WOAH! @_@ *Takes Tic Tacs and runs away.*  
  
SELPHIE: Hey, that really wasn't very nice of Zell… But Irvine DID have it coming… Anyway Quistis, it's your turn.  
  
QUISTIS: Enjoy, Almasy.  
  
SEIFER: Aww, Quisty, you shouldn't have… *Opens present.* '1,001 Ways to Control Your Temper.' What is this crap?! I don't need to control my temper! This is B/S! *Throws the book across the room, hits Zell as he walks back in.*  
  
ZELL: Ah, much better. *Rubs stomach.* *Book hits him in the face.* OWWW!!! Mommy… *Sits on the floor, crying.*  
  
SEIFER: Oh, suck it up, Chicken Wuss. Who's next?  
  
SQUALL: I'll go. Rinoa, this is for you.  
  
RINOA: *Blushes* Thanks, Squall. *Opens gift, gasps.* Squall, it's your ring! Oh thank you!  
  
SQUALL: It was nothing…  
  
SEIFER: Oh, I am gonna be sick. Squall, you better cut it out, asswipe!  
  
SQUALL: *Glares at Seifer.*  
  
SELPHIE: I'll go! I had you Squall! Tee hee…  
  
SQUALL: Thanks, Selph. *Opens box.* Hey, what gives? What is this?  
  
SELPHIE: It's a comb, silly! Your hair is so messy all the time; I want to see it nice and neat. Come on, just once! *Takes the comb, and goes for Squall's head.*  
  
SQUALL: No! My hair is just right! It makes me look…*In a husky voice* DANGEROUS…  
  
ALL: 0_o  
  
SELPHIE: O…kay, then Squall. Whatever makes you happy… Rinoa, looks like you're last.  
  
RINOA: Here, Selphie. I found this and knew you'd love it.  
  
SELPHIE: *Opens her gift.* Oh, Rinoa! This is the cutest thing ever! I've always wanted a stuffed chocobo! Thank you sooooo much! *Hugs it, and its head pops off.*  
  
SEIFER: * Screams in a woman's voice* AHHHH!! CHOCO!!! NOOO!!! *Starts crying* We were supposed to rule the world together! And now he's… DEAD! *Puts head in hands and sobs like a baby*  
  
SELPHIE: Well, that was… freaky, to say the least. Now I know never to do Secret Santa with you guys again!  
  
As we leave, let's take one last look at everyone:  
  
Rinoa—Looking lovingly at her ring.  
  
Zell—Passed out on the floor with a dent in his forehead.  
  
Irvine—Chugging Tic Tacs and Listerine, while bleaching his Tighy-Wighties.  
  
Seifer—Chasing Selphie, who is holding Choco's head.  
  
Squall—Making poses in the mirror, admiring himself, making kissy-faces, saying to his reflection, "You da man!"  
  
Quistis—Shaking her head in dismay.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Hope you guys liked the story! I know I bashed everyone, but deep down, I love them all. Maybe if I get enough reviews, I'll publish another story like this one! If you want another silly FF8 story, then let me know! For now, SEE YA! 


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